Top Gun

Playing, playing with the boys
Playing, playing with the boys
After chasing sunsets
One of life’s simple joys
Is playing with the boys
Playing With The Boys - Kenny Loggins

Top Gun

I was in the Navy for 10 years. Ten long long long years and I can say I spent at least five of those years in some barracks, in some remote part of the United States, in front of some television, drunk watching a plethora of war movies in the TV room. I hate war movies! I mean it from the bottom of my evil wretched heart. War movies as a general rule are cliché, rife with recycled plots and dialog and well, cheese. If you were stupid like myself and actually volunteered to work on a nuclear submarine right on top of a glowing nuclear reactor you would quickly realize just how god awful fake they are on top of all their other damning traits. But… there were two movies I always liked.

One was 1982’s An Officer and a Gentleman starring a young, and still good looking, Richard Gere before he unleashed Julia Roberts on us in 1990’s Pretty Woman. The other was this movie right here.

I don’t think it was because these movies are about Navy Pilots in particular. Since I have difficulty seeing the great difference between Navy Pilots and Air Force Pilots or any other fly boys as far as being some different breed or such. No, there had to be something that maybe I did not quite understand at first glance.

Then came Quentin Tarantino’s hilarious monologue in the 1994 movie Sleep With Me where he sums up the plot description of Top Gun with the line “It is a story about a man’s struggle with his own homosexuality.” I have never ever been able to watch this film in the same way since. I don’t know if Quentin was simply coming across with some demented comic jag for effect when he went off on this movie but ya know. If you honestly watch it closely and get beyond the surface imagery and listen to the dialog and focus on the subtle actions, it will happen, it will dawn on you.

I’m sure you all know the story or have some idea of what it’s about. The movie opens with Tom Cruise and Anthony Edwards playing the parts of Goose and Maverick flying wingman to John Stockwell who plays the bit part Cougar. Cougar gets mentally screwed up after a close encounter with a Russian MiG and barely flies the plane back to the Aircraft Carrier while staring at a picture of his wife and kid. Anyway he gets back and promptly quits stating he loves his wife and kid too much. Here’s your first clue. I mean, why does “wife and kid” suddenly become an issue?

Next thing you know Goose and Maverick are heading off to Top Gun School because it’s so realistic to send people with disciplinary problems to these expensive military schools ya know. The next scene is the famous bar scene where Maverick starts singing You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling and all the other pilots in the bar join together to provide what now seems like a gay men’s chorus. I mean who does this type of thing?

Then the first time we see Viper played by a still good looking older man Tom Skerritt talking to the Top Gun students and the pilots are shown sitting paired up in twos in leather love seats. In each seat one guy has his arm draped along the back as if in some suggestive embrace. The pilot Hollywood whispers to his close buddy beside him in the leather love seat “This gives me a hardon.” Wolfman leans in real close and says, “Don’t tease me.”

Here it is folks we are down the rabbit hole and don’t go thinking it gets any better if you keep looking. Maverick is initially portrayed as a loner. A confused young guy who, unlike the rest of the Navy fly boys does not seem to fit in, does not seem to understand the intimate relationship the other Navy pilots expect of him. Goose tries to talk to him. Goose tries to make him understand there is something he’s not getting. Something about caring for the other pilots, about men being men with men. Maybe he wants Maverick to realize they are all spending an awful lot of time standing around the locker room half naked in towels for more than just plot points and male boobies. Heh! Then more dialog will take us further out into the void.

Charlie (The main female love interest, yeah right.) played by Kelly McGillis approaches Goose and Maverick in a hallway Goose sees her and turns to Maverick saying “Okay, well, don’t be late again. You look great honey.” Maverick replies “Thanks, dear. See you in pre-flight.”

Then the big bare chested volleyball scene. Poor Goose, the guy’s won’t let Goose play volleyball without his shirt. While all the rest are proud to show off their sweaty pecs and trim abs. All the while the music bumps and grinds its way through Kenny Loggins (Hey there’s a butch guy for ya!) singing Playing With The Boys. I loved the scene where Goose pleads. “One more game, Please, For me?” If this was any other movie wouldn’t Goose know where Maverick was going? He probably does and is just unwilling to let Maverick go that easily. I mean all the guys are there and they’re all sweaty and maybe tonight…

Maverick and Charlie have their first date and basically Maverick eats and runs saying he needs to get a shower. Does she not have a shower there? Plumbing problems perhaps? Not the right equipment? Next in the elevator scene we see Charlie decked out in a very masculine ball cap and leather flight jacket. That’ll get him to notice her. Gooses wife and kid show up to present us with the fact that gay guys can have covers, I mean families too without conflicting with their most important relationship, the other Top Gun pilot. Carol, Goose’s wife, seems to be trying real hard to sell Charlie on how fun it is to be married to a gay guy, I mean a Top Gun pilot.

So, you all should know by now Goose dies. Yep, that’s too bad really because I think Goose was just about to get his way with Maverick on some sleepless night. Oh well, Viper poignantly consoles Maverick telling him about his valiant dad and saying he would fly Maverick, I mean fly with Maverick anytime. Here’s where I disagree with Quentin Tarantino and a lot of other people. At the end of the movie, we may have gotten that big scene between Val Kilmer who plays Iceman and Mavericks main competition, the all around humpy, critical, fly-by-the-book type to Mavericks rebel-without-a-date. Yes, Iceman and Maverick do have a brief touching moment at the end of the film, after the gay Navy pilots beat the Russians with their joy sticks, where Iceman finally indicates to the rest of the pilots by hugging and making doe eyes, that Maverick is finally now one of THEM. But…

What does Maverick actually do? He runs back to Top Gun to become a flight instructor and work under that stud daddy Viper. Yeah, you can think all you want that Maverick is gonna be with Iceman or even that oh so remote chance of ever happening, Charlie. That is, if you ignored everything I just pointed out to you. But in my twisted mind its Tom Cruise and Tom Skerritt flying off into the sunset mano y mano. That humpy older guy showing the young guy the ropes deal. Because as we all know if it was good enough for dad, then it’s good enough for Maverick.

Tags: Movies