OK, women have always seemed to me to be big on relationship and emotional stability right?

Men can be, but more often than not I think straight guys find the whole bisexual thing in a woman a mystery and a turn on.

So to me bisexuality would in some way seem to be a strike against you with another woman, especially say a self defined Lesbian, as having a bit more of a risk involved.

Is that the case?

I’m 41, still identify as bi, but I’m female. I totally get the “Different for girls” thing. I’ve known a number of women who around my age, after a het life, fell in love with a female friend. I ran a panel at a con once called “Straight before Fandom” in which people, mostly women, discovered they were queer after and because of being involved in fandom.

I have a much better idea where you’re coming from now.

What you smokin there? Share damn it!

OK review first what I said about bisexuality in my opinion…

http://www.teddypig.com/2009/03/the-politics-of-dancing/

Quick summary… Men are from Venus OR Mars and Women are from Venus AND Mars.

Women are more likely to be bisexual both emotionally and physically in my opinion from my experiences with bisexual men (Who are more likely bisexual physically in reference to the sexual act) and experiences with having friends who have kids (Physical proof of bisexuality if there ever was one) but say they are gay.

So now you want me to ponder all this OK…

My opinion.

I think all this talk of the fluidity of sexuality and a lot of bisexuality is a young person’s game. It’s the experimentation and discovery of your own sexuality that I think most people are talking about. Half the time when I start to hear these words I think YOUNG PERSON TALKING.

Why? Why do I think that?

Because I am not just defined by my sexuality but also my experience in knowing my self and who I am emotionally attracted to and what gender attracts me romantically with the most potential. That is why. I have nothing to prove to anyone else, I know I am not missing out on anything, wearing my gay label with pride.

As a young man (A child of the 70s) I know I have tried making out with women and all that, and doing their boyfriends to boot. Um yeah, never do that. In fact if you do distance yourself from the location of the event immediately. Just a small suggestion.

Anyway, I obviously can’t talk for women… but men, oh yeah, I think even if they are full on calling themselves bisexual they have a preference gender wise over all for which they will most likely fall in love with. Just from what I have seen and what was told to me when I asked.

So I say bisexuality in most men is a “sex act” not an “emotional state” so the proof would be for me in what gender they tend to have relationships with more often. If it happens to be men then you can most likely kick them into the gay pile for the most part.

So, what I gave was the easy and obvious answer earlier. Gay men all share in common by definition the sex with other men deal. That just is and you can’t argue it. A sex act with another man is gay. A love relationship with another man is gay.

The defining part I think comes into play with personal truths. I have always known I was gay, I would never once from the beginning have ever implied to a woman they had any chance with me emotionally. Once AIDS became part of the picture I stopped experimenting sexually. I felt compelled to stop taking sex lightly since sex with someone HIV+ has risk involved and honestly I wanted a much more emotional relationship than another one night stand. Maybe I got bored trying to prove things to myself. So my energy went into sex with men and the potential for more as a full blown relationship.

I also notice when I talk to guys who identify as homosexual but have five kids and an ex-wife. They generally tend to say they are GAY! Not just bisexual which seems to be obvious and provable by all those kids but GAY GAY GAY! In big letters. I think male sexuality and emotional attachments are more binary. Once they committed to following their sexual wants and leaving their wife and kids that was a defining moment for them.

So with the AIDS thing and the kids thing I think those situations create a defining moment for most people or at least a deep understanding of who you are and making a choice of what you want and so leads to a more defined self awareness. Being Gay or Lesbian is being self aware of what you want emotionally and sexually and knowing that is with the same gender.

I think you can be gay or straight without actively having sex. The attraction is there first. My daughter knew she was bi at the age of 11. My other daughter knew she was straight at 5 (or maybe 3). My oldest son (14) calls himself “theoretically straight” since he’d much rather build an android son than deal with girls.

While I like the almost cartoonish hypermasculinity in these films, I do wish there were more options in m/m fiction than straight-acting butch guys. Of course, I’d like to see a REALLY butch top in one of those BDSM m/m books, instead of some gray little suit who needs to control every aspect of his life. But I’d also like to see more sissies, more drag-queens, more radical fairies.

I find it interesting that very few of the men in m/m fiction HAVE porn collections, while most of the guys I know in real life do. Most aren’t at the Mulder-esque level of using the tapes to build a coffee table, but they have several. I’d like to see more porn in m/m, especially in futuristics. What are people going to find erotic in a hundred years or a thousand? (I wrote a world jaded enough to use prison rape footage as porn. The prisons cut it into something semi-coherent and sell it for huge profits. Ah the joys of privatizing everything)

What above in that post in books and movies looks feminized?

I have talked to Jack and read his book. He’s smart and is all about the “fraternity of men” “brotherhood” etc etc etc.

Which is fine, that is what I enjoyed in the Centaur MC and in the Gay Leather community but my problem is that his argument only goes so far and is too much about conforming to a group that does not want to play and ignoring the homosexuality which is what will cause problems.

Where if you look at Gay Leather and BDSM in general and the hyper-masculinity you see in all those books and movies above they are all about fetishizing and subverting the male symbols and masculine images and even brotherhood traditions into the underlying sexuality that is expressed between two Gay Men. Not trying to be Straight Men or even fit in with them.

Gay BDSM is not so much about sex but celebrating extreme masculinity and even full on allowing masculinity’s power plays and roles and violence but also subverting it into something very different by controlling it through protocol and ritual.

Anyway, I always felt like he may have only scratched the surface image not seen the core because that code of brotherhood and fraternity does follow along with some of his ideas but he seems to miss the fact that they work for Gay Leather because to even get in the door of the club you had to be a Gay Man first and foremost.

Oh and sorry, but yes a lot of what I was apart of in Gay Leather events and clubs I attended did not allow women to be there Straight or Gay because um, it was sexual in nature and expected in the environment if you get my drift.

The minute we allow the conservatives to white wash our history and censor our Pride parades and Mayberry RFD our image making us all into good little “God fearing” Christian clones and PTA members and Sarah Palin voters we are fucked.

They are the ones saying “Good As You” and “don’t scare the het folks with gay sex displays or we’ll never get our rights.” The political position now is to de-emphasize the sex. Emphasize the committed couples, the cute families, the respectable people. Hide the bath-houses and leather bars and drag queens.

The problem is the hets will never give us our rights because to them it IS all about sex. They can’t think of gay people–or the preferred term, homoSEXual, six syllables, please–without thinking of gay sex. Every time we remind them we’re having gay sex, they freak a little more.

The closet cases Teddy mentioned aren’t talking about gay rights. They’re working against them and trying to get society to hold their closet doors shut and force every out person back into the closet.

I’ll watch the movies at a later date, like Friday when the kidlets are with their grandpa.