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From: Katiebabs ~ On Becoming Numb

Back when I was 19, I met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. This man, or for a better choice of a word, boy, became my whole world. I fell head first in love. I was consumed by this boy. This was the first and only time I fell in love. Unfortunately the boy I adored and dreamt of marring and building a family with didn’t feel the same. He thought of me as a friend, but wasn’t attracted to me in that way. But still I wanted to be with him and only him. Because I was so blinded with love I ignored his faults. Finally one day someone had asked if were dating. He denied it adamantly and from that point on our relationship deteriorated.

Katie will probably want to smack me for commenting on this. And she is more than free to do so I should probably just shut my mouth but I am a pig.

See, I was watching Gay Sex In The 70s on Netflix yesterday (If you have not seen that movie you must see that movie OMG!) and one of the guys being interviewed said if he was offered a chance to go back and not do the things that exposed him to HIV he would refuse to do so. Because without the many many assorted sexual experiences he had and without the various risks and heartbreaks he had faced that had exposed him to the AIDS virus he would not be the strong vibrant individual he is today. He would have not met his current lover or had the wisdom to enjoy the relationship he was in.

I totally get that and I feel that is the thing I want to express when I hear about people getting emotionally hurt or being devastated by a negative relationship. It’s OK to feel that way but honey get back up on that horse and ride.

My point is that youth is wasted on the young and easily sidetracked and everyone each and every one of us needs to explore being “the bitch” and being “the heartbreaker” and being “the slut” and being “the other woman” while growing up. Now none of those things makes you a particularly nice person but each one teaches you a lesson and each one let’s you interact and define and completely know who you are and what you want in a relationship with someone else. You will end up playing each of these roles if you date enough men believe me on that note.

All I am saying is you do not get good at anything without practice be that relationships, sex, or doing your own taxes and nothing is sadder to me than to see someone get hurt and withdraw from life instead of picking themselves out of the dirt and going back and learning to ride that bull.

Even in my case where that meant I ended up becoming HIV+ just like the guy in the interview on the film but much like he said I just can not see not living life halfway because you will never to be able to value the good and lasting stuff when it finally shows up.

Yes! Live! Life’s a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! ~ Auntie Mame

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