http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkEDG_kZgcc

A little something from Grey’s Anatomy

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains of the moon.
J.R.R. Tolkien

I think Tolkien could just as well have been describing the Internet. If there is one thing I can tell you about website design is that it is never stagnant, it never ever stays the same day to day. There is always some new trick that is more secure or some new function that is better and that fact should be reflected in any online customer oriented website.

So that is why I get paid to support all these constant development and creation cycles year after year at my bank. Not always for some new website functionality though, which happens frequently enough, but also to upgrade and evolve old website functionality that may have been in place for at least 10 years. That is ancient days in Internet terms. On one application I support I was hired on wave 2 of the product and we are now on wave 26 of the product. That is 26 changes to that single website function. How many changes as an ePublisher have you done to tune your website to your customers use?

I find personally I am very conservative in my website design approach, being in a bank and all. I tend to be more about simple well thought out function, not flash. I mean YouTube videos and customer comments and interaction is fun and all that but I would much rather make something more useful for the sight impaired or to perfect a users shopping experience with the website I currently run.

That does not mean this Blog is perfect in any way. Far from it, but it goes in the direction I want for the time I have to put into a freebie website that gabs about ePublishing, and frankly makes absolutely no money and actually costs me money.

So here I jump into commenting on a topic brought up over at the EREC site.

Questions I use to define What makes a good ePublisher website?

Is the website functional for the sight impaired?
This is becoming more and more important as it should be just like making a brick and mortar store handicap accessible. It is also the main reason why you should stay away from Flash and lots of Java tricks and stick close to things presented simply in HTML. The rule of KISS applies here.

Do all the latest releases show up on time, right on the front page, of the ePublisher website?
Now here is a simple one to start off with and it is also one of the major focuses of any ePublisher. Promotion! What have you got to sell me that is new? There is at least one website that has three different pages you have to click on to find out what they have new in stock. Confusing, especially if you do not have a significant amount of new eBooks to sell. I feel the company is wrongly promoting itself or what it wants the customers to think about it not what books the customers can buy. If they do not like the fact you sell Gay Romance they are gonna hate you anyway, on the front page or on the back page.

Are all cover pictures clearly text and alt labeled for sight impaired and also hyper-linked to the book’s sales page?
Did you know even Amazon fails at this? As I said, this is becoming a big thing and should be part of your companies presentation in a professional manner. I find the most dedicated eBook customers are those who are sight impaired. Catch the clue and ride the wave.

Are all the author names hyper-linked to their own BIO page and listing of books?
Now see, this is so easy but not enough sites leverage the hyper-link appropriately. Every time you use an authors name you should be promoting their books to me. Just like every time you mention a book title it should show me where you sell that eBook.

Does the author BIO page show all their eBooks and series from that ePublisher or do I have to click around the site to get series information, single titles, author information etc etc etc just to find the author’s other books?
Website organization is key! Always think about how you can present all the most important information on a single page to me in order to keep my limited attention span and inform me of new products. Especially if I (a fool) have taken a interest in one of your authors and want to buy (with my money) every eBook they published! Encourage the parting of the money damn it!

Is there a “coming soon” page? Does it show cover art, author, series information, blurb and link to Author’s page which also mentions this new book “coming soon”?
You would not believe how much time I spend on reviewing updates on your particular website and I still am surprised by what is showing up week to week. How am I supposed to promote a new book “coming soon” from an author if you are not?

Are the ePublisher’s categories uniformly based on industry standard definitions and easily understood?
I think you all know who brought this question to my mind but they did fix it. A little bit. The point is cutesy names and fancy branding tricks should be saved for people who are already your customers not used on me as a potential customer who is trying to browse on your confusing cutesy website for a Paranormal Romance with Werewolves that you decided should be in the cutesy wootsey “Shadow Rose” category.

Do the individual category pages show the latest releases first or are they listed in some arbitrary manner?
This can be confusing especially on a certain website when I go to look for new eBooks “in print”. I want to see what is new “in print” in case I missed an announcement, not what is alphabetical by author or title that you did 5 years ago.

Are the books with options to purchase “in print” shown on the same page as eBook format offerings?
Again, quit making me figure this out over on some other webpage. I should be able to see this information and buy this book “in print” from the same page I bought it in eBook format. That is also probably the same page I linked to in my review. You are not helping matters here.

Does the website constantly change the url/uri to the eBook while promoting it?
One website does this with their “coming soon” page. What if I already announced it and made a link to that eBook? On the date the customer can get the dang book you purposefully break all the frigging damn links people have made to it. BAD BAD BAD!

Can you buy the eBook directly from the same information page it is listed and described?
Yes, having a website only to provide the author and eBook information and a separate website to sell the eBook is bad. Making me click through all that mess just to buy the damn book is an obstacle to you making a sale and me then adding another eBook to the pile. I went through so much just to buy the one eBook I don’t want to go back and do it again!

Is it easy for me to buy specific eBooks for another person as a gift?
Would you believe several ePublishers make this entirely impossible for me to do easily? How are you attracting new customers if I (A loyal and devoted customer.) can’t buy them a eBook?

Is the ePublisher packaging the books together in specials and are they attempting to sell a whole series for one low price?
Why not? This is retail packaging 101. I might even buy the same dang eBook all over again if the whole series is offered at one low price.

Does the ePublisher ensure they are selling eBooks in all the formats that customers are buying?
I am not saying do they “attempt” to tell the customer how to convert eBooks they just bought. Are they selling the eBooks in those formats without requiring this headache of the customers? Simple question. Come on people, this is the publishers job to package the eBook in PDF or Sony/PDF or HTML or Mobi/Kindle or eBookWise or MSReader or frigging pink with red stripes! If they can not at least do that then they really are not paying attention to the market are they?

Does the ePublisher website have me sign up so they can track who I am and my contact information for newsletters and what I have bought and offer me new books based on previous purchases and offer me the ability to download the same book again in a respectful period of time if I lose it due to a hard disk crash or even download it in a different format if I purchase a new eReader?
There is only one retail website doing this but they probably treasure EACH AND EVERY CUSTOMER and want to show it and continue to provide service for a long time to come and they probably track sales at a granular level and do a lot of neat and useful things with that information so they can provide better service and more eBooks. Smart website and smart retailer and smart customers.

Last hint from an old webserver guru.
If you update your website often with new functionality, even if you are happy with it “as is”, customers might actually think you are there and paying attention and you might work for a living.

Man, Oh Man! Writing M/M Fiction For Kinks and Cash by Josh Lanyon
From: MLR Press

It can be more than just a dream…
To write the kind of stories that you love to read–that’s what you really want. If only you knew how to get started. *Help from someone who knows…* What you need is professional advice, help from someone who’s been there, who can support you through the creative process, with the goal of writing for publication. What you need is Man, Oh Man.

So, why this book… Why not one of the other “How to Write…” titles? Because everything in Man, Oh Man is geared to the M/M market and the M/M writer, to you and the genre that you love, whether you’re an aspiring writer or you’re already published. Lambda Award finalist Josh Lanyon takes you step-by-step through the writing process: from how to find fresh ideas and strong hooks, to how to submit your carefully edited manuscript. With help from the genre’s top publishers, editors, reviewers, and writers–experts in the field of M/M and gay romantic fiction–Lanyon offers insight and experience in everything from creating believable masculine characters to writing erotic and emotionally gratifying M/M sex scenes.

Indulge yourself and your dreams… It’s within your grasp to be a published author in a growing market. Man, Oh Man shows you exactly how to do it.

From Page 11

When I mentioned on various lists and forums that I was writing this book, I received—in addition to the general rejoicing and much feasting—a couple of interesting reactions. One or two people expressed the belief that a man was the ideal person to write such a book because he would have unique insight into masculine thoughts and emotions. Others felt the opposite: that it was somehow inherently unfair that a man should write this guide when M/M fiction is primarily written for, and by, women. In my opinion both reactions illustrate what’s wrong with a lot of M/M writing: namely, the notion that creating realistic and complex male characters would somehow be a different process than creating any other character or that what would be true of one man would be true of all men. If you take away one thing from this book, let it be the commitment to creating individual and nuanced male characters rather than stereotypes and clichés.

OH SNAP GIRL FRIEND!

Dark Waters by Chris Quinton
From: Ellora’s Cave

Flein is a wanderer by instinct and need, roaming the known world as the fancy takes him.

In the Highland village of Glenfinnan, women have been raped and brutally murdered. The killer is a waterhorse, a monstrous shapeshifter by all accounts. But when Flein meets Donnchadh, first in its equine form, then its man-shape, he knows the waterhorse is innocent. As they hunt for the real murderer, Flein reluctantly becomes more and more drawn to the handsome shapeshifter. Donnchadh, though wary, shares the same attraction.

But time is against them. They must find the killer before more women die. Then suspicion is turned on them and the hunters become the hunted.

Going Down by Ann Somerville
From: LuLu

From my review at The Good, The Bad and The Unread

Ann Somerville obviously loves this world she has created here in Going Down. The scope of world-building is rich and lightly foreign in feel and the characters she populates it with are familiar in some ways and fascinating in others. Paranormal gifts like empathy and telepathy are relatively common place and these gifted people populate the crowded streets in an almost ordinary fashion and their jobs in the Corps reflect a culture that has found a way to benefit from them.

[Ed.: The proceeds from the book are being donated by the author to Doctors Without Borders.]

Derzo Einan an empath, and our hero, is suffering though. He went through a traumatic event that has left him in pain and unable to function. He goes day after day abusing drugs and booze to ease his frayed nerves and numb the gift that has become a curse to him. He will eventually meet up with Troe Thalem, a man who suffers almost as greatly as he does but together they might just find the solution to their problems and the inner salvation they seek.

I would NOT consider this “Gay Romance” or “Gay Erotica” even slightly which are two of the tags that I saw on the Lulu page for this story. It is way way way too Young Adult in feel. That’s not a horrible thing in all honesty and it does not feel forced. Reading Ann Somerville’s Going Down I caught a hint of Ursula K. Le Guin peeking from amongst the cracks here and there.

I have got to ask because it kept coming up when thinking about this story… Why bother to even hint at a possible romance between the two men towards the end when you never really define them sexually for most of the book? I was fine without it really and with their situation and the emotional scars etc etc etc, and so little time left in the story for any real romantic development or for understanding how homosexuality was handled in the society they lived in, I came away finding the stronger sexual tones used at the end a little heavy handed to me. I am just saying the whole homosexual nature of this story seemed unused and unnecessary to even be commented on.

I guess others will see this as a sweet type of gay romance, which I think is more implied than actually written, but I grew up reading Young Adult, Science Fiction/Fantasy buddy stories and adding in my own spicy homosexual undertones and this is a fine example of the kind of story I thrived on.

I just wish it had more adult flavoring.

Grade C

Cascadia Wolves: Standoff by Lauren Dane
From: Samhain

From my review at The Good, The Bad and The Unread

First off, let’s get one thing straight here. If you have read the most excellent Cascadia Wolves eBook series, you are gonna buy this book. No question! You will get this book and read it because Enforcer and Tri Mates was Werewolf Romance crack.But, then I am left trying to explain my allergic reaction to reading this last entry in the series. That is where I ran into the proverbial brick wall. I love Lauren Dane. I love her families and I love her complex worlds and I like her not making her characters too omnipotent and rich and spoiled, because when she writes normal everyday characters with warm families, and difficult but reasonable limitations and life experiences, she so rocks.

So why did I not like this book?

After sitting on this review for a while I can only summarize it felt to me like Lauren undermined her own strengths here for the sake of writing a straight forward romantic story with simple actions and a pat ending, that’s why! This final book called for acknowledgment of all she had created in the course of the series and it just seemed to fail in that regard.

Grace Pellini, the most evil villain Warren Pellini’s sister, turns out to be Cade Warden’s fated mate. This is a damn good setup for the big finale here - in theory. I still like the drama of my own idea better - Lex Warden dies and Cade is left to take care of and mate with Nina - but I am a dark dark horrid Pig that thinks younger brothers make great targets.

Anyway, Lauren’s idea here does not bother me so much. In fact, putting Cade on his own away from Cascadia to handle the Warren Pellini problem and then introducing his mate is an excellent choice with a lot of potential that gets him off balance and makes things more intense.

BUT!

What actually happens… Cade meets Grace. Cade jumps Grace. Cade drags Grace back to Cascadia. HUH!?!?!?! With Nina preggers and stuck in bed? WTF!?

Cade tells Lex and Nina the good news on the phone and they turn into these strange alien harpies I did not know. They started acting totally out of character making absolutely no sense with their reactions. Cade is their Alpha right? They act like nasty spoiled children. Very un-family like and WTF?!

So here we go down a path I was totally uncomfortable with…

Why put pregnant Nina in danger by dragging Grace back to his Cascadia house, thus making everyone there great big targets?

Why was Lex, a life long werewolf and Cade’s brother, so down on Cade for mating with Grace? When he knows from his own experience MALE WEREWOLVES HAVE NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER!?

Why was the threat of the Pellini organization kept so remote to our heroes? Half the time I was reading this book, I felt they were all sitting around watching CNN and talking about the latest Pellini attack, like we all do about the Iraq War. In other words, they had no personal involvement until the end, when Warren Pellini’s minions finally show up to threaten Grace at the airport.

Why was Warren Pellini, who Lauren expertly made into a very evil and unstoppable corruptive force, so easy to take out in a one on one duel the end? I mean Lauren pointed out several times that Warren was not a “real” alpha. She also shows how he runs the group even here in this book:

Warren’s spies were everywhere, she trusted absolutely no one, not even her own parents.

To me this type of enemy is complex and very dangerous because you could take out Warren but his organization makes the next in line just as evil and just as dangerous. In other words, not only would every rogue werewolf be in the pack hierarchy, but also “only there for their own benefit,” making it not only an unstable organization, but also unstoppable and highly adaptable evil-wise.

So at the end Warren Pellini poisons the Mega Alpha which forces Cade to go one on one with Warren. Why did it take so long for this to happen if this was all that had to be done? The aftermath being Cade becomes this Supreme-ruling-Alpha and everyone plays nice THE END. ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Don’t get me wrong. I hope Lauren takes all her strengths she has shown in the Cascadia series, lists them out, perfects each one, and then mixes them with the stuff I loved in the Chase series. I would so be drooling over reading about blue collar werewolves in small towns trying to just make a living and find true love. I know I am sorta suggesting perfecting a formula out of all this. But you know what? A good formula can be so worth the effort especially if it makes for a juicy series of books.

Skin by Bernadette Gardner
From: Ellora’s Cave
From my review at The Good, The Bad and The Unread

First off, I would like to say GOOD JOB! to Les Byerley for the most excellent cover of this eBook. Les is more! (so to speak) It has been a long time since I could say that to an Ellora’s Cave cover artist.

Now, for the rest of the story…

Tattoo-less and clue-less Makena Brady walks in the door of SkIntense Body Art and into the arms of Darq Stone tattoo artist with the Verakos veins.

Bernadette Gardner did a fantastic job with the sex scenes in this book. We are talking tattoos not just being sexy, but getting one sounds like a masochistic wet dream. So as far as sex scenes go for an Erotic Romance, this book rocked.

But… there should be more than just sex scenes here and that is where we get into trouble.

“I like it here. This world is too crowded for the Gemii to find us. We’re almost indistinguishable from six billion other souls here.”
Heath paced the kitchen. “Almost isn’t good enough. I know you think I worry too much, but I’m old enough to remember what the Gemii did to the crèche. You’re not.”
“You’ve told me about the massacre enough times.”
“Then you should take the threat of being found more seriously.”
Darq finished his coffee, set the cup in the sink and braced his hands on the counter. Even with his back to his partner, he knew his aura would tell Heath what he was thinking. “I’m getting tired of running, but I’m not foolish enough to think we’ve outsmarted the Gemii for good. I’ll be ready to go when the time comes.”
“Good. As long as you’re aware the time may come sooner than you think.”

There was tons of talking scenes like this between Darq Stone and Heath Gyland and *All you do to me is talk talk* is all you are gonna get here. No real threats pop up that I can see, no real evidence that there really truly are strange dangerous beings from another world hunting them down.

“I’m giving her the choice. If she chooses me, I’m staying here. I’m not moving on with you.”
Heath stepped back, dropping his hand. His eyes flared with indignation. “That’s not your right. What about the Gemii?”

What about me? What about my needs as a reader? What have you done to prove these bad guys are still after you? What have you done to make me believe this crazy story you keep gabbing about? *All you do to me is talk talk, When every choice that I make is yours, Keep telling me what’s right and what’s wrong*

So at the end Heath Gyland throws a hissy fit and runs off to worlds unknown *or so he says* and Darq gives Makena an ink job and I am left wondering if Heath just wants Darq’s hot magically delicious body for himself because the man definitely was following Darq’s sex life just a bit too close for comfort there boyyyy.

Grade: D

From my review on The Good, The Bad and The Unread

The International Bear Rendezvous Presents: An Evening With Kathy Griffin
Saturday, February 16th, The Castro Theater, San Francisco

SOLD THE HECK OUT!

To raise funds for the Rainbow World Fund, Lyon Martin Women’s Heath Services, and the Bay Area Young Positives.

I have been absent from reviewing lately. Yes, I know Bad Pig! and I am so friggin’ behind Sybil is gonna take an axe to my rose bushes, I just know it. So I need to make this up to her. So, I scored me some insider tickets,

Not just any tickets mind you.

THE TICKETS OF THE YEAR. Kathy Griffin for one night only at The Castro Theater. This is like Kismet! This was HUGE! I mean if any of you watch the My Life On The D-List on Bravo (the better Gay Cable Channel), then you know Kathy and her Gays. Well, this was the biggest bunch of furry Gay Men on the planet all packed into The Castro Theater worshipping at the feet of the hippest comic on television. It was Love Incarnate.

See, Kathy is not actually on the D-List. She is loved by the Gays, like we love us some Madonna. So despite whatever you have heard, Oprah and Barbara Walters live in complete and utter fear of Kathy because they know the secret of all media power is Gay Lovin’.

So there I was right smack dab in the middle of THE MEDIA EVENT OF THE YEAR. It was like Hillary Clinton making her first of two presidential acceptance speeches and then introducing the country to her lesbian lover and new First Lady. WOW! Oh, Steve Wozniak was there too.

So, she comes on stage after Fuzzy, the IBR President, makes his announcements and does the typical Gay Event deal of a raffle ticket drawing. Why must all Gay Events include the raffle ticket drawing??? I mean, unless you are giving away a free orgy with the entire Gay Porn Star roster of TitanMen then I am so not interested. Oh, they were there too. Looking absolutely hairy and wonderful. Gotta love them TitanMen. Yes anyone who even wishes they knew someone in San Francisco was there. Get over it! I am golden!

Anyway, she points out to the audience and says, “Hey that’s Steve Wozniak!” (they are dating) Then she points at the Gay Porn Star sitting right next to him and says. “Get your freakin’ hands off the Billionaire Bear bitch, he’s mine!” Then she smiles at all of us and says, “Are your gays all upset at you because you got tickets and they didn’t?” and the house came down.

It was magic! She had us in the palm of her petite manicured hands and she knew it.

I did not know Dr. Laura’s son got caught over in Iraq shooting Iraq civilians and taking pictures with them like hunting trophies and posting them on the internet. That gives a whole new meaning to the catch phrase “I am my kid’s mom.” Karma. She’s a bitch.

We got a full walk-through of the ‘Oprah falls off the weight loss wagon’ scandal, and her subsequent ‘Mississippi madness’ and ‘Nut Case Britney Spears snubbing Doctor Phil.’ Oh, and Kathy’s been banned from The View AGAIN! over the whole Barbara Walters admitting to using Astroglide thing. When will Barbara learn she is old news and step aside for Kathy to take that hallowed helm?

Hallmark moments were shared by all. Kathy Griffin admitted to not only meeting Liza Minnelli but attending some sort of hilarious Canadian casino hotel room pajama party where Liza admitted to Kathy that she had done the dirty with Bob Fosse.

All in all, An Evening With Kathy Griffin is nowhere near a D-List ticket. In fact the lady is funny, pretty, real, and smart and just a plain good person inside and out. I just know she and her manager Tom are humping like the proverbial bunnies while poor Steve is clueless. Allegedly!

You go girl!

Kathy Griffin gave her all for Gay Charity and she has now attained Madonna star status. If you have any chance in this life of seeing her… beg, borrow, steal, hold people hostage, and just do whatever you need to do to go.

GRADE: A XXXL

Wild Frontier by Sienna Black
From: Loose Id

Lucas Trumble is the sheriff of Fairtrade, Montana, a town that’s seen more than its fair share of trouble recently. The rumor on the streets is that it can all be blamed on Louisa Dupré, the woman who lives on the outskirts of town. But Luke’s convinced that the accusations of witchcraft leveled against the woman he loves are misunderstandings and nothing more.

The truth lies somewhere in between. Louisa has been trained to heal using herbs and old remedies. She’s also learned a thing or two about impossible creatures, like werewolves. And sheriffs.

When their mutual friend, Caleb Hawkins, comes to her after having been bitten by a wolf, she’s determined to do all she can to make his coming change easy. Taking Caleb into her bed isn’t part of the plan.

Learning to share his woman with his best friend, a man in the throes of an impossible circumstance, isn’t something Lucas ever imagined he’d have to do. But the wild frontier gets wilder when there’s a full moon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCrGnd3ljqA

Your Easter Bible Quote

And Nadab and Abihu died before Jehovah, when they offered strange fire before Jehovah, in the wilderness of Sinai, and they had no children. (Numbers 3:4)

So remember burning bushes is good, flatulence ignition is bad.