Anne McCaffrey: The Dragonriders Of Pern

April 13, 2007

It’s a proven fact that a single anal sex experience causes one to be homosexual. The hormones released by a sexual situation involving the anus being broached, are the same hormones found in large quantities in effeminate homosexual males. For example, when I was much younger I knew a young man who has for all intents and purposes, heterosexual. He was mugged, and involved in a rape situation involving a tent peg. This one event was enough to have him start on a road that eventually led to him becoming effeminate and gay. - Anne McCaffrey

- The Dragon Porn of Pern

I am not a Fan Boy, never have been, and so I find it is difficult at times to review books or series that I have loved from my childhood, not because I cannot tell you what attracted me to them originally, but mostly because I find myself extremely bias if not out right critical of what the author eventually said or did or wrote that added or in this case seriously detracted from my personal enjoyment of the series after I got older. Ursula K. Le Guin and her Earthsea, Marion Zimmer Bradley and her groundbreaking Darkover, and last but not least Andre Norton and her Witch World come to mind often (Not that Anne McCaffrey is truly in their league mind you…) in this regard because these are all classic, voluminous, Science Fiction/Fantasy series with which I am torn because, like it or not, I always will be a supreme bitch, and not every god damn book in a series is actually worth reading!

Here in The Dragonriders of Pern I have found unfortunately a prime example of a writer that should have quit while she was ahead and shut her mouth and not tried to act like she had some brilliant, well reasoned, and scientifically researched plan to begin with long, long ago. In my opinion most of her work rides just this side of a Harlequin Romance with space ships and soft porn despite Anne’s continued denial of being a romance writer with a small side of Sci-fi. Yeah, and I am really straight Anne and just have not met the right woman yet.

The Dragonriders of Pern is a compendium of the first three novels of the well known, much loved Dragonrider series, Dragonflight published in 1968, Dragonquest published in 1971, and finally The White Dragon published in 1978. If you only read these first three books, and maybe (I don’t know.), throw in the three children’s books that form the Harper Hall Trilogy Dragonsong, Dragonsinger, Dragondrums, you would find an exciting if somewhat flawed Science Fiction/Fantasy world with dark yet strong willed adult characters bent on survival and some added alternative sexuality (Rough sex, Homosexuality and Rape) explored in the subtext. In this regard this particular book is an excellent purchase, giving you all the juicy Pern goodness you would ever want to read in one easily obtainable lump.

Now, I have to caution you before starting in on a review of these first three novels that I have over the years spent considerable amounts of time and money buying and reading the 15 or so books that compromise the rest of this misguided series and so I must try (Try!… Try, as hard as I can.) to ignore the horrifying and on going wretched disappointments I have been dealt after about the seventh book (Moreta: Dragonlady of Pern published in 1983) one of my absolute favorites in the series and also the last of the “core books” or should I say the last of the “consistent & logical books” written in the series that I recommend. The rest hit me as watching what I assumed to be capable writer (Through bad plotting, bad characterization, bad continuity, obvious greed, and maybe just old age.) trash her best known and most beloved series. So if I get maybe a tad caustic, and maybe a smidgen unfair, be forewarned. I obviously love, and continue to love, after all this time the first seven books of this series. I own them all and read them often enough. I simply refuse to mislead you my friends into thinking they do not have some very very serious flaws.

- Dragonflight

The first book of Pern-lishiousness Eva! Here we meet the sleek and sensuous, oops! I mean, orphaned, rag covered and dirty-smelly Lessa plotting and plying her vengeful way to the tippy-top of Ruatha Hold. She is willing to do, say, or kill whatever and whomever it takes to get back her rightful property from the evil Big Daddy Fax, I mean Lord Fax. Lessa is originally portrayed here as anything but a dumb blond, she admits to killing or overcoming at least eight guys whom Fax had sent over the years to run Ruatha Hold. Then the pesky Dragonriders show up one day looking for some of that old blood, super human, Ruatha womanhood to provide a right and proper candidate for the freshly laid Gold dragon egg back at Benden Weyr. So after years and years of finagling and plotting and finally getting rid of, once and for all, that nasty evil vicious Big Daddy Fax, poor Lessa’s big chance in local politics gets cut short and she gets immediately whisked off to be the next Weyrwoman of Benden Weyr.

If all this goes a little too quickly and comes across slightly disjointed just wait till you check out this first book, we’re talking slap dash action all the way and its quite clear chapter one here of the story was written at a much earlier, less thought out time, and then slapped right on to the rest of the book without a rewrite. Editing and consistency of world building is one of Anne McCaffrey’s major fucking issues, I do not think she believes in it or something.

Dragonflight proceeds on with an introduction of Lessa learning about those wild and wicked Dragonrider ways of life at the Weyr. Let’s talk about sex baby…

Dragons and their riders are the only fighting force that can save Pern from the deadly Thread (evil parasites) that fall from a star that rotates by every so many turns (years). It’s been hundreds of years since the last time this happened and the Holds are questioning if the Weyrs are really all that useful anymore. They want a tax audit! Plucky Bronze Dragonrider F’lar KNOWS, he just KNOWS, that the Thread will be coming SOON (Because he is old school and down with the knowledge of the ancients.) and Benden Weyr on it’s own (As in that’s all the dragons and riders they got.) is not prepared for the coming planet wide catastrophe.

Lessa our sleek sensuous heroine (That’s better.) gets thrown into a ceremony to Impress the mighty Gold dragon Ramoth at the hatching. The riders of the dragons we learn are psychically, telepathically, emotionally and I guess financially bound (Impressed) to their dragons for life much like a yuppie and a BMW with a Starbucks coffee cup holder.

You then find out that there are Green, Blue, Brown, Bronze and Gold dragons (But no Purple! Oh lordy not that!), Gold dragons being biggest female queens of the bunch, it’s on them to lay all the eggs for more dragons, and they in turn are basically loved and cherished by all of dragon kind. Not to mention they are bonded to the only “real women” who ride dragons. Like our Lessa.

OK I’ll do my Anne impersonation here, stomp my feet and demand repeatedly DAMN YOU SLASH WRITERS! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!, Only women are ever allowed to ride the precious and fertile female Gold dragons, nasty smelly manly men ride the rest, well almost, but we will talk of those Green riders later. Bronze dragons are second in size to Gold dragons and the only male dragons allowed to mate with the picky Gold girly-girl dragons. Only one Bronze dragon and rider can logistically mate with the queen at any given mating flight, and that Bronze dude (In Lessa’s case the studly, heterosexual, Bronze rider, and man about town, F’lar.) is the Weyrleader till the next mating flight where the contest for Weyrleader and a chance to get some raunchy rough passionate hetro-sex with a real live female rider begins anew. Well, at least in theory, maybe sometime I’ll go over how Anne relies on constant contrivance in this series to pad the big romances that eventually undercut the functional logic of the world she created.

Everyone else (Including the rest of the heterosexual manly men, Bronze and Brown riders) has to make do with a quickie from the unfertile small Green dragons and their prancing male riders otherwise noted as “those prissy hoes”.

Besides the fact I have not gone into the whole “Must Save Pern” story presented in Dragonflight, because well the whole story is not half as interesting sexy wise, the saving grace of Dragonflight is Lessa and her no holds barred female character. Here is a strong willed woman striving to survive in a world where women are thought of as no more than trophies for the enjoyment of the men who rule. Alpha males abound and scour the planet looking for blond chicks daily.

Lessa’s relationship with F’lar is surprisingly evolved as an equal in cunning and manipulation. They both come to realize that they need each other in order to succeed in their individual goals of saving Pern and earning the respect of those around them. Not to mention F’lar finds out that Lessa is gifted with the unique ability to talk to any dragon she wants and has the useful if limited ability to control men’s minds and then there’s that having sex with the Weyrwoman keeps you in the Weyrleader position deal. Gotta love those job benis!

Now, here is where I have the problem of knowing what the future holds for Lessa and let me be very honest in noting that by the end of this book she is happily married to F’lar and so from now on Anne McCaffrey will simply ignore and marginalize her making F’lar the more important and heroic manly hetro man of the pair.

- Dragonquest

The second book in our Pern-astic tales presents us with F’nor a Brown rider and F’lars second in command (The biggest Brown dragon Eva! Thank you Anne. This is after Ramoth is the biggest Gold dragon Eva! and Mnementh is the biggest Bronze dragon Eva! etc etc etc) and Brekke a new Gold rider (With the biggest Sexual Hangups Eva!) and this book I guess is about their blossoming romance and subsequent tragedy.

Oh yes, and let’s not forget the Oldtimers otherwise known as the Deus Ex Machina from the last book which Lessa valiantly brings with her from the past to help Benden Weyr fight the onslaught of deadly falling Thread the Dragonriders now face. Any-who the Oldtimers and their Weyrs expect a little more lovin from the Holds they protect and thus cause more political problems, and a whole lotta whining and gnashing of collective teeth, while Pern faces certain death *again* from the Thread that decided suddenly to show up on a different time schedule.

Then we have that problem with EVIL NASTY Kylara. Why is Kylara EVIL and NASTY? Maybe because she decided to have an abortion, not that these women have access to “the pill” or anything like that and not because she did not already have two kids from before becoming a Gold rider and not that any of the Dragonriders are great parents to begin with. She just decided to be responsible and figured out a way to do something about it. Oh, boo hiss!
Maybe because she admits she enjoys rough raw nasty dragon sex and plots to see if she can lure F’lar away from Lessa by accidentally having him around when her dragon rises to mate thus trapping him in a evil scheme for at least a night of fun F’lar lovin.
Maybe because she like the rest of the men on this planet are plotting and scheming with their friendly neighborhood Lord Holders to position themselves and consolidate power. Who knows, anyway she is EVIL and NASTY! Anne McCaffrey said so.

Kylara comes across as the strongest and most solidly interesting character in this book, someone who definitely could give Lessa a run for her money. When she has a sudden and nasty head on collision that involves her Gold dragon and Brekke’s Gold dragon killing each other during a unplanned for mating flights of two Gold dragons rising in the same close vicinity and all the dragon men blame evil nasty Kylara for being slack in her duties…

RANT MODE ON: WTF? Mating flights are shown in both these books so far as being pretty much unplanned affairs and fully out of the control of the rider down to the point that the Gold and Bronze riders can all be caught unaware and involved. Remember that is the necessary ingredient of Kylara’s scheme for F’lar? If the Dragonriders knew enough to blame Kylara for not taking some type of precautions or responsibilities here, then where were they to advise both women to get their precious Gold dragons butts away from each other? Tsk tsk tsk.

The rest of the book has F’nor doing something heroic and Brekke tragically coming to terms with the loss of her Gold dragon. Boo-friggin-hoo Brekke, snap out of it already!

- The White Dragon

Oh yes Pern-acious ones! Here is the third and last of the core Dragonrider tales. Introducing Jaxom Lord Holder of Ruatha Hold and his dragon Ruth. (The Biggest White dragon Eva! Well ok, the ONLY White dragon Eva! Anne you shouldn’t have.) Jaxom I will kindly label for you my dear dear friends as the “Wesley Crusher of Pern”.
Oh yeah baby! This guy makes me blow solid chunks I tell ya.

Now Lessa, poor girl, had to give up her dream of being Lord Holder of Ruatha Hold due to impressing her dragon Ramoth and becoming Weyrwoman of Benden Weyr but not our boy Wesley, I mean Jaxom. Nope he gets to keep the dragon and play Lord Holder of Ruatha Hold too. Not to mention a few other things that will come about later in the series. This guy has more cake and eats it too than anyone else in the entire Dragonrider series. Unfortunately unlike the other Wesley Crusher he never suddenly disappears leaving us with a warm and fuzzy feeling which would have made him more palatable in my mind.

Oh my friends, that aint all she wrote oh no siree bob. Anne McCaffrey in this family friendly volume finally addresses the underlying homosexuality of the Dragonriders by seeing it in all it’s sick and twisted perversion through the eyes of our little straight boy Jaxom and man oh man what a mess that is. About halfway through the book Jaxom catches the mating rise of some dragons and after observing a Green dragon rider and his fellows gettin it on, and might I point out turning on Wesley, I mean Jaxom in the process, he immediately runs off to see his little girlfriend Corana and proceeds to RAPE her. Yep, I spelled it in uppercase there so you would catch that. Now there’s some wholesome family entertainment I tell you!

I am not making this up folks. We have so far allowed for the fact that Lessa and F’lar had a rough and tumble, almost BDSM like, mating flight of a Bronze and Gold dragon going one on one, we have even lived through F’nor doing the nasty with Brekke when he barely knew her name. Now in hindsight, it is also apparent to me that Anne McCaffrey meant to show these sex scenes as passionate, unfortunately VIOLENT seems a better word to describe how these various scenes actually come across.

Yes my friends, right here in this handy dandy edition you get a main character raping his girlfriend forcibly and then to top off the whole precious moment he proceeds to chat about it with his dragon getting all guilty and deciding to never, ever, ever, see Corana again, ever! Because she… she… she… let him do it! She liked it? Oh man! Bummer dude! It’s like reading the life and trials of a drunken frat boy.

Anyway Jaxom goes on to do something even more heroic but by this point I start getting nauseous and stop reading.

- Of Subtext and Sexuality and Summary

Homosexual relations do not take place openly in these writings and not by any of the main characters because obviously homosexuals and most females have no power on Pern, they hold no high ranking, decision making, offices to uphold. Homosexuality is simply presented, as the way things are because of the way the Dragonriders respond to the sexual needs of their dragons. Brown riders and Bronze riders are continually presented as “fully male” and Gold riders are “fully female” (and the rest… well you get the picture, they get snickered at.) Even when it is apparent from the number of Bronze and Brown riders not paired with the precious few Gold riders that they must be using the services of a Green dragon and her MALE rider (Especially since F’lar has the biggest Gold dragon Eva! locked up tight there buddy). Anne McCaffrey has obviously meant to present these “fully male”, Browns and Bronze, as finding any Green pairing distasteful (Like Marines after the fifth beer, just don’t kiss me!). Bisexuals and Lesbians apparently don’t exist on Pern (At least in these “core books”.) When it is logical if you have one, then the rest should follow. Right?

So much for a fine example of forward thinking fantasy/sci-fi as Anne McCaffrey tends to want to present it all, because in my estimate at least, it falls way way short of that. Marion Zimmer Bradley’s early sci-fi/fantasy work has no insulting behavior or condescending tone and does a much better job of handling homosexuality without the apparent stereotypes. But in the end what honestly bothers me most is not the way homosexuals or women get portrayed in Anne McCaffrey’s series, not at all. I think there are some good stories here and I do find it interesting and I have spent many years rereading the series over and over again. I really enjoy the dark motivations and the imperfect heroes even when it drips with sexism and so on, much like watching some old anachronistic James Bond flick.

Nope, what really bothers me is when Anne McCaffrey promotes eight year old kiddies coming to her website to talk about reading these very same books and when I hear her change her tune about The Harper Hall trilogy being specifically written for children and the rest of the series for adults and starts promoting the whole damn series as somehow being safe for children to read.

WHAT THE HELL IS SHE THINKING?!?

Please do me a favor and read these books for yourself before giving them to young kids.

That just aint right.