Joey W. Hill: Rough Canvas

Rough Canvas ~ Nature of Desire Book 6 by Joey W. Hill
From: Ellora’s Cave

When he logged on, the cell phone rang on the counter, startling him in the quiet of the early morning hour. Wiping the sweat off his face with one arm, he hobbled to the phone. He shouldn’t answer it. But it was the first time Marcus had called at this time. During the day, there was the pretense that Thomas was doing something else. Working, with family, whatever. To ignore it now would be like ignoring him if he stood right in front of him, and the bastard probably knew it. Plus he wanted to hear his voice. Why’d he delete that message? Marcus wasn’t calling as much anymore, and Thomas didn’t think it was because of the email option. It was as if he realized the power of sensory deprivation. Duh. Who better than a Master knew the power of turning Thomas’ own defense mechanism against him?

Opening the cell, he noticed it had a full battery. Crap. No excuse there. If he mimicked low battery beeping noises, Marcus would see through that pathetic attempt and laugh at him. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself.” The first notes of his voice, God, the first syllables, made need coil hard in Thomas’ stomach, twisting the pain. Thomas leaned over again, tried to breathe. Sought something to say. “I just finished the last one.”

“Just now.”

“Yeah. How’d you know?”

“You’ve got that dazed sound to your voice like you’re coming out of a month of solitary. How’s it look?”

Thomas turned, his gaze sweeping over them, resting on that largest canvas specifically. “I don’t know. It’s different from the others.” Son of a bitch. He slid down the side of the counter, pressed his hand to his abdomen. Quit. He didn’t want to talk. He wanted to hear Marcus talk, let that voice pull him out of the place the painting had taken him, into a place somewhere in between it and here. “Don’t know if you’ll like it. If it’ll sell like the others. Don’t know…” Don’t know anything. But talk. For the love of God, talk.

“Unfortunately, selling and liking are two different things, because most of the buying public wouldn’t know talent if it bit them in the ass. It’s my job to educate them, Thomas.”

Thomas leaned his head against the cabinet, closed his eyes. “You know, it’s funny you’ve never called me anything but that. Most people assume I’m a Tommy, Tom.” Thomas covered the mouthpiece, coughed into a used rag and noticed without much interest he was coughing up flecks of blood again.

“When did you have a full night’s sleep last?”

“You nursemaiding me? Girl.”

“Yeah, fuck off. When, Thomas?”

Thomas rubbed his forehead, scanned the counter for his antacids, realized he’d taken the last of them an hour ago. “Last night.”

There was a pause on the other end, significant enough that Thomas had to squelch the urge to fill in the pause with some type of verbal squirming.
“You want to really piss me off, you lie to me one more time.”

Thomas licked the residual powder off the antacid paper. “Then don’t ask questions you already know the answer to. Jesus.” His eyes watering, he gripped the phone harder. “I don’t want to fight about this, okay? I’ve been staying up late to get the paintings done. It’s what I wanted to do. I can’t…talk…”

“Thomas.” Marcus’ voice came through sharp and hard. “You’re having one of those attacks again, aren’t you?”

“It’s okay, they happen. Marcus, I’ve got to go…”

“Lie down on your side, right now. If you’re not going to let a doctor help you, you listen to me. Or I get off the phone and call 911 to send an ambulance to your house.”

Alarm shot through him, increasing the fiery sensation. Thomas went to the floor, cursing and muttering, but doing it.

“Now take your hand, lay it over where it hurts. Don’t press. Just lay it there.”

Thomas complied, holding onto Marcus’ voice, fairly sure this wasn’t going to work, the pain too intense, but he knew Marcus would do what he said. Also, just holding onto his voice, fulfilling his instruction, was what he wanted above everything else. Just talk… It would pass. It always did. He’d had to have that extra strip of bacon this morning, like an idiot. He was hungry and he’d needed the coffee to wake up.

“Have you done it?”

“Yeah. Yes. I’m not a child.”

“You’re acting like one. Shut up and listen. It’s my hand there. Just move it, easy, slow circles. I’m sitting right behind you, leaning over you. I’ve got one hand on your head, stroking your hair. You feel my fingers there?”

Thomas closed his eyes. Remembered them, felt them. “The way you do when I sleep, but I’m not all the way under.”

‘That’s right.” Another pause. “I’m going to talk to you, and while I do, I’m going to keep stroking your head and rubbing your stomach in slow circles.”

He could feel it. Honest to God. And it was making it easier to breathe. Maybe it felt so real because he wanted it so much. Marcus’ fingers. Strong, long fingers, no scars or blemishes.

“How’s your face looking?”

“Sshh… Obey your Master. Be still and let me touch you. I just want to take care of you, pet. Just want you to let me take care of you.”

“But…who takes care of you?” There was a silence on the other end, but it was full of so many things it almost felt like Marcus was there, right behind him, his body close, curled up spooning with Thomas like that very first night, and many nights thereafter. “I mean, other than the million guys who’d be willing to hold your hair out of your face when you throw up for the chance to sleep with you?”

“One more comment about my hair and I will get a crew cut.” A pause. “You take care of me, pet. Just by breathing and existing, you take care of me in ways you can’t imagine.”

“You say things like that just to mess me up,” Thomas said. “Mess with my head. I love your hair. Don’t cut it.”

“Making demands?”

“Why not? You going to come punish me?”

“I might. Do you miss having your ass strapped by your Master? Serving me with your mouth?”

Something stirred other than the pain. You know I do. Thomas couldn’t say it aloud, but knew he didn’t need to do so. It was a part of the whole empty need in his burning gut that wanted Marcus.

“What are you wearing?”
It brought Thomas up short, it was so cliché. It should have called for a quip or a chuckle, but not when Marcus’ voice was sending frissons of energy down Thomas’ spine with that note of don’t-refuse-me-or-I’ll-fuck-you-up command. “I’m kidding,” Marcus said before he could respond. “I don’t give a shit. Take it all off. Now.”

Oh my, I know this review might upset a few people but I am gonna be honest here.

I think Joey W. Hill is a great writer. Not just good, but probably one of the best writers today writing about BDSM. Nobody has the clarity and focus when describing the relationship dynamics between a Top/Dom and a bottom/slave in a BDSM scene than she has. John Preston could only wish he had her understanding.

My problems come from when she steps outside of the dungeon and starts describing the characters and their motivations and their backgrounds. I have to admit it just does not ring true to my ear. Which is probably because I sat in the third row at several Skinny Puppy concerts.

Anyway, our heroes are Marcus, who is this very successful New York art gallery owner and art promoter and Thomas a highly talented artist discovered by Marcus’ and also his lover. Marcus is the BDSM Dom and Thomas is his slave.

Thomas has a run of bad luck with his father in North Carolina dieing and then his little brother getting into a tractor accident and unable to walk so he rips his “collar” off and runs back home to North Carolina to take care of his family. Marcus eventually gets around to visiting Thomas in order to find out what happened and why Thomas left him without saying goodbye. Marcus then proceeds to get Thomas to start painting again and spend a week with him in a remote cabin so they can work things out between them.

About Thomas’ “collar”… A gold waist chain? Huh? Collars are not fashion accessories, they are traditional symbols used to express and communicate clearly ownership and position in a BDSM social setting. Who is gonna see a stupid gold waist chain? What does a gold waist chain clearly communicate to anyone? Nada! Zilch! Collars in this case are symbolic like a wedding ring but only in the fact you are using a commonly agreed upon object that is worn to express ownership. You see it on some bottom/slave’s neck and you can then note that the person belongs to someone who you should be talking to first and seeking permission from before interacting with the bottom foremost. That is if you know what Leather Protocol is.

Initially this story seemed OK. Maybe a little soapy with the continual “will they / won’t they” get back together cycling that takes place over and over again. One minute they are divulging their deep seated feelings for each other and the next they are arguing and denying there is anything they can do to change what has happened. Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

My problems really started when Thomas is experiencing all these panic attacks and gastronomical pains from a growing ulcer. Marcus knows this is occurring and the reasons for it, but there is never a moment where he draws the line with Thomas and says “You are going to see a doctor now.” At no time does he put his foot down as Thomas’ owner (Which is what he says he is.) about this in a way that showed he cared for Thomas and he would not let the man continue to ruin his health with denial. In fact Marcus seems to do the exact opposite and feeds this denial and simply does not make it an issue until the very end and then only to Thomas’ mother, of all people, which just seemed irresponsible to me.

The biggest WTF moment in this whole book comes from the scene above where Thomas is lying on the floor writhing in pain, clutching his stomach, and then suddenly Marcus calls on the cell and phone sex breaks out. I am sorry, but the last thing I can think of when in real medically induced pain is to have sex. No way! Medically induced pain is totally different than say the pain of being flogged. The mindsets are night and day and I have never been able to switch those gears.

Denial seems to be Thomas’ main theme in the story and he goes so far as to tell Marcus he is considering marrying this girl his very Catholic mother wants him to hook up with. Wow, how long has Thomas been “not gay” and in denial? What is with all this denial when supposedly he has been running around New York with Marcus as his Top this whole time? Has he never sat down and reflected that there was no going back on this and he is queer, he is gay, he is a great big fucking cock sucker? I mean the guy is submitting to Marcus as a BDSM bottom but Marcus, his concerned attentive Top, never forces him to come to terms with any of it? Come on, Thomas has to have thought this part of the attraction through… at least as far as admitting he is gay by now.

Marcus is portrayed in the story as this highly regarded Dom/Top in the BDSM community. Marcus has never allowed a bottom/slave to become attached to him. How does this work? I mean from my own experiences in BDSM is it is all about the length of experience and the reputation that comes from being in a couple Top/bottom or Master/slave. Reputation for a bottom/slave stems from who his Top is, who trained him, for how long, or at least it did for me. The reputation for a Top comes from his track record in regards to how well he has trained and worked with bottoms/slaves. So how does Marcus get this high regard in the BDSM community if he never allowed anyone close? You can not get this type of respect based on your good looks and your distant pained expressions. BDSM is not about shallow posers or how well you can throw a dinner party.

The final blow came from Marcus yet again. At the very end of the story he purposefully puts himself in a position to be attacked and killed in some really dangerous area of New York all because Thomas left to go straighten things out with his family, but only after Thomas had promised Marcus he would be back. Instead of showing restraint and discipline (Something a Top should be familiar with.) Marcus suddenly throws this hissy fit and decides to off himself if he can not have Thomas as his lover. He even talks to Thomas on the phone while doing this. Marcus’ threat is apparent and obvious to Thomas and the reader.

I guess this was supposed to be the final big drama. Instead it just killed this couple for me. How can we have a viable HEA when the core relationship is this sort of unstable emotionally blackmailed codependency? Marcus just became this selfish, suicidal, fucked up immature brat that I would have walked away from after letting him know he needed serious professional counseling ASAP.

Till death do us part should never be a threat used to get your way or used to get the other persons love or attention.

Teddypig Rule #1: Suicide threats made by the Hero or Heroine or Significant Other in any romance and I mean ANY ROMANCE! in regards to the direction of the relationship involved, are as wrong as out right physical abuse preformed in anger by either party. No amount of fancy writing can justify it, the character will not be able to apologize for it, the story is never gonna pass go nor can it ever hope to collect my $200, there is no miracle of redemption that will work for me, none! nada! zilch! not even in your wildest dreams. Time to announce the loser baby and hang up the phone on some serious relationship poison. So long, Farewell!

I had a tough time with this book since Joey W. Hill is such a good writer but even her worst misstep is better than most writer’s best foot forward so Rough Canvas still gets a Grade C.

I am so not recommending it.

Tags: BDSM Romance, Ellora's Cave, Gay, Grade C, Joey W. Hill

What I Am Reading ~ Joey W. Hill: Rough Canvas

Rough Canvas ~ Nature of Desire Book 6 by Joey W. Hill
From: Ellora’s Cave

When his father dies, Thomas is forced to abandon a burgeoning art career in New York. As difficult as it was to give up his lifelong dream, it’s nothing next to walking away from the man he loves. Marcus taught him to embrace who he is, a sexual submissive who responds to the touch of only one Master. But why would the sophisticated Marcus need some farm kid from the South?

Then Marcus shows up and offers him a way to continue his art career and help his family. There’s only one hitch — he asks Thomas to spend a week with him in the Berkshires. Thomas knows he should refuse. But he’s never been able to say no to his Master.

Tags: BDSM Romance, Ellora's Cave, Gay, Joey W. Hill

Joey W. Hill: Natural Law

Dear Author’s Review of Natural Law

If there was one thing I could point to in all straight BDSM romances and say “enough already, you bitches!” it would have to be the highly suspect excuses for the characters actions. You know the excuses… The numerous times I have read the love interest wanted to bottom because she was raised by overbearing parents or was abused as a child is staggering. The number of times I have read that the hero wanted to be a Top because he was used to having control in his job as CEO or he was raised to be this distant emotionally stunted person and this was the only way he could open up… BLAH BLAH BLAH, WAH WAH WAH. Would people please cut the pop psychology crap on something they do not understand?

Thank you Joey W. Hill. Thank you for not making excuses or over analyzing why some people find the BDSM lifestyle to their liking. Thank you for not smacking my intelligence around and destroying the spell your story weaves while allowing romance readers a brief glimpse of the emotions and romantic power of a real BDSM relationship.

Thank you Joey W. Hill!

Natural Law the second book in the Nature Of Desire series takes us to the city of Tampa. A serial killer is on the loose and Mac Nighthorse with his homicide investigations department has figured out the connection. The victims were all male, straight, BDSM bottoms that went to a local BDSM club called The Zone. Mac goes to his boss immediately and convinces her to let him work this case undercover and join the club and place himself in danger to find this monster.

To the shock of Mac Nighthorse’s boss we find out our stud muffin Mac is not the controlling, strong, Alpha male, Top she thinks he is but that he enjoys bottoming to a Dominatrix in the dungeon.

Mac begins his investigation into The Zone and runs into our love interest Violet Siemanski who is just starting out in the scene as a Mistress but she is damn good at it. Mac and Violet end up doing a scene together that first night and from there the sparks fly. They both have dark secrets they are keeping. What will happen if and when Mac gives into Violet’s demand to serve her?

“It doesn’t surprise me to hear that. You like to test yourself. That’s what you’ve used your Mistresses for. They’re just an extension of your workout, testing your skills to resist weakness.” She kept her tone neutral, but he stiffened up under her touch.
“No. It’s not like that.”
“This is like going to the gym for you, Mac,” she continued, ignoring the protest. “Go to the gym, do twenty reps, go to the D/s hangout, get jerked off by some accommodating Mistress. You’re not invested. You’re high-power, so high-power you’ve never been topped. Because nobody sees those shields you maintain in such a charming way. Nobody has tried to go beyond using that beautiful body of yours and reveal what’s underneath. I’m going to make you beg.”
“I don’t beg. I serve.”
“Well, it serves me to have you beg. You won’t use me or survive me, Mackenzie.”

Damn, just damn! The conversations in this book are nothing one would expect to happen in real BDSM but they are right on the money in giving the reader the motives and underlying emotions happening in the scene. Joey W. Hill makes dang sure that a whipping scene is not just another whipping scene. That electro torture is not just another butt plug stuck in the ass.

Every reaction is planned for a reason. Every action has a purpose. Every character remains firmly set on their need to either serve or dominate.

“Nice try. I should give your ass a good beating, trying to give orders to a Mistress.” She gave his face a light swat with her nails, was not surprised a bit when his eyes shot fire at her.
“No, Mackenzie,” she said, her lips thinning into a straight line. “You don’t want to fuck me for the right reasons. You just want to erode my control, make me lose my senses so I’ll go easier on you next time. But I’m keeping the reins. I’m not giving up a bit of it, and I’m going to keep pushing you until I have all of you, not just the cock you’re so free with. It’s time you start realizing that having a Mistress means everything is hers, as I said before. Your heart, your mind, your soul and your body. Cock, ass, whatever I want of you is what you give me, and if you can’t get that through your thick skull, it’s going to get way rougher before it gets easier.”

Mac is in for a rough ride here. He gives as much back talk and unwillingness to cooperate as a bottom as she gives him in appropriate punishment as a Top.

I know this sounds twisted but there were moments here that may, for a vanilla mindset reader, look like they are overly abusive and maybe even wrong. But… not for me, I kept reading because it warmed my cold cold Leather bottom heart to see a Mistress so concerned about Mac and his needs as a bottom that she would spend the time and effort to break him. To me every scene here was romantic and powerful.

I know I am a sick fuck.

The most romantic scene comes about halfway through the book…

She placed a hand on his shoulder, leaned forward to put her parted lips against his ear. “This is going to be a hard ride, Mackenzie,” she whispered. “Everything that happens to you here is my will, for your pleasure and my own. I’m going to fuck you hard, and there’s going to be nothing left for you to hold onto except me. I’m tearing everything away. From this moment forward, you’ll always know who your Mistress is, who holds the bit in your teeth.”
“Give it your best shot, sugar,” he said, that spasmodic quiver rippling through his tense muscles. He was scared, she could tell. Scared that she was right.
She knew she was.

Oh fuck! You go girl! Take him down! Make him or break him it’s all the same.

I love love love, this book for this reason alone. It maps out the motivations so well and not one minute, not one second, not one moment of any of these scenes broke that spell for me or made me question the experience or the understanding of BDSM of the author.

Joey W. Hill, you rock!

There was one problem though I did have with this book and it’s simply my experience informing my preference as a reader. Joey, you did so well with the BDSM scenes, why did you have to go back to that detective thing? Why did you take us out of the dungeon that I so enjoyed and make me feel like you had to re-orient on their relationship and it had to be kept separate from their roles in the dungeon? I did not live this separate life. I learned to interweave BDSM (or what I was taught as Leather) and it’s protocols and my role into my day to day life with my Top right there to guide me.

Why did you give both these characters backgrounds that implied they had made good friends and acquaintances in the scene but then seem to isolate them at the end of the book. I felt cheated that you did not show their buddies congratulating them and responding to their coming together in a positive way and show how they handled the BDSM club scene together as a loving caring couple. I wanted to see that. Not the negative villains you showed us putting them down for it and trying to… well you know… or the vanilla crowd giving us their uninformed opinion which meant nothing to me.

I hope you do write a book that changes some of that some day because I feel like you know me, that you understand sick fucks like me, and you describe this balancing act and these BDSM roles and interactions so well. I will not even point to the parts of this book that told me “you knew”. The old Leather protocol you relayed without much fanfare rocked. Those will remain between us because I want the option to use those same attributes, those same indicators, in other reviews with authors that fuck this shit up constantly.

The other differences you dabbled in are minor but did not get fully described for the readers but I understood you were working in a Romance format and had to live by it’s “limitations”.

For those of you wanting to know what “limitations” I am talking about…

Monogamy or non-monogamy, is not strictly defined in BDSM. (BDSM is not about relationships or emotions, it is about roles and needs.) But… typically monogamy and typically possessive childish games have no place with those Tops who are really into the lifestyle. Now I am talking from a Gay perspective here but I have met a few straight couples and well…

Most people who are in BDSM do not do 24/7 roles. Joey shows this but does not explain how rare and difficult it is to find people who need or want to bring this into their day to day life and relationships. Most people play at this stuff, not live it. There is a difference and a defined separation between those who are considered “Players” and those who are considered “Real” or a valid part of the BDSM community. It’s not snobbery, it just is.

This book is available at Ellora’s Cave. Get it now damn it!

Anyway, the fact I can talk about these differences and describe them while reviewing this book means you have hit the nail on the head, Joey W. Hill. You made a fictional story real and that is very very special to me. Thank you again… Grade A

Tags: BDSM, BDSM Romance, Ellora's Cave, Grade A, Joey W. Hill, Straight